devoured
by temprian
Summary: SasuSaku. AU. College. I waited twenty-two years, three months, and twenty-six days... only to find out that he loved me, too. So I send a letter to my ten-year-younger self, if that could mean releasing myself from the chains of regret. All I'll need is a nonexistent Time Machine and a dash of hope.
1. PROLOGUE

SasuSaku. AU. I waited twenty-two years, three months, and twenty-six days...  
only to find out that he loved me, too. And it's sad to know that I'm still in love  
with someone who used to love me.

* * *

_Blue eyes widen at your direction. _

"_S-Sakura-chan, that's—" he begins, but you put up a hand to stop whatever he has to say._

"_Yes, Naruto," you say, and you do not let your eyes leave your latest masterpiece. Being a physics and engineering major does you good, after all. "It's finished."_

_The blond man gazes at you grimly and keeps his mouth shut. You are aware of all the thoughts that run in his head, but you couldn't care any lesser than you do now. You ignore his warnings and deafen your ears to his silent argument._

"_I don't care, Naruto," you whisper, referring to his silent plea. "This is my only chance. This is my only chance to save you and our friends from this fucking misery. This is my only chance to fix my mistakes. _

"_This is my only chance to save him."_

* * *

**DEVOURED**

**i. PROLOGUE  
**_**"Things we do and don't do—we regret."**_

* * *

"Is it OK?"

You blink. "W-What is?"

"If I accept her offer?" he continues.

You force a smile even though you know that your lips will end up shaking at its corners. It is definitely not OK, but you don't have any other choice, do you? You have no hold on Sasuke Uchiha, anyway, and you are just a friend.

So you nod and say, "Yes. Sure. Date her—she's pretty, she's smart, and she's fun to be with."

He does not look at you and you watch as his lips purse together into a thin line. It takes him a few more moments, but he finally tells you, "You're right. Maybe I should."

You have no right, but you do anyway. You let your heart sink, and, most especially, you let the only person that matters the most to you walk away to another girl. It's OK. Ino Yamanaka—your best friend—will do him good.

It's OK. Sasuke is in good hands if he ends up with your best friend.

"I should go," says Sasuke, finally looking at you.

You look away and continue, "To Ino?"

"...Hn."

A part of you forces out a "Don't let him go!" but you will not hear any of it. You vow to make him happy. _It's OK_.

Sasuke pauses and hands you your notes back. He has originally come to you in your resting place—under the huge tree overlooking the vast fields of Tokyo U—to borrow your notebook, that much you are sure, but he is returning it to you now. It is as though he does not really need it in the first place.

You shake off the hesitation anyway as you take the notebook from him and watch him go. He pauses a little away from you, and when you think he is about to say something, he resumes walking.

When he has left, it is when you feel the wave of pain. You bask in the hurt and personal torture for a few more minutes—half an hour, maybe?—then swallow the huge lump stuck in your throat.

_It's not OK, dammit._

Sasuke is an idiot for not noticing. It's not OK.

You breathe in and force away the tears that threaten to escape. Do not cry. You let him go, you said it's OK—so _be_ all right.

You wet your lips and decide to study for the exam you have tomorrow—the reason why Sasuke was supposed to borrow your notes. You major in Instrumentation in your degree program, while Sasuke takes Electrical Engineering.

You both have a Physics subject together, and Sasuke never really takes down notes.

A small smile escapes at the memories you have together in that one class, and you flip open your notebook at a random page. The smile, however, slips away as quick as it has appeared, and your heart—which has continually plummeted down since the moment he has asked you if it is OK to accept Ino's offer—finally reaches the bottom and breaks.

Flanked in between the pages is a ripped out sheet of paper.

After reading what is written on it, you close your notebook shut and set it down on the grassy space beside you. You close your eyes and will the tears to leave, but they would not. They _will_ not.

You start to cry, and the words on the flimsy sheet of paper echo in your head.

_**Please say "It's not OK". Don't let me go.**_

You let him go, but maybe—maybe there's time! Maybe you can stop him, tell him you're not OK with it and—

Your cell phone rings, and you hastily fish for it from your hand bag. _Sasuke_. Your battered Xperia x10 lights up with every ring, and your heart thuds strongly against your breastbone as you read the caller ID.

_Ino_.

Shakily, you answer the call.

"_Forehead!_"

You wait for her to continue.

"_Oh my god, Forehead! Sasuke agreed to date me!_"

Tears fall, and despite it all, you force another smile. No body will see anyway—the pain in your smile, that is—not even yourself, so you smile, and you let a mental mantra to run in your head—_It's OK_.

"That's nice, Ino!" you answer with equal enthusiasm. You, however, stammer the next time. "T-That's really great! I'm happy for you."

You're a hypocrite.

Because how can you be "all right"—"OK"—when you're actually hurting? You're such an idiot.

**To be continued**

* * *

Notes: _Based off from the manga entitled "ORANGE" by Takano Ichigo. :)_


	2. CHAPTER 1: To Younger Sakura

"_Foreheaaad!" you hear Ino call out._

_You heave a sigh and turn to look at the blonde who stands a few meters away from you. With her are Naruto and the rest of the gang—Karin, Kiba, Tenten, Hinata, and Suigetsu—who smile at you and wave their hands._

_You send them an equally sincere smile._

"_Hey."_

_The group approaches you and you stand up from where you have been sitting. Naruto grins._

"_Ready, Sakura-chan?"_

_It takes you a little more while before you respond with a hearty reply._

"_Hm. He's waiting."_

* * *

**DEVOURED**

**ii. CHAPTER 1: To Younger Sakura  
**_**"The saddest love story is with one who hasn't been in love before."**_

* * *

Karin is glaring at you when you arrive at the apartment you share with her. Your relationship with her besides being your housemate? You are _frienemies. _

Sometimes you are friends, sometimes you are enemies, but most of the time, you guys are just _frienemies_. You have the same group of friends, same house, same degree program, and same temper. You look after each other even though you deny it yourself, but really. You wouldn't trade your frienemy-ship with Karin for the world.

Because sometimes... sometimes she is the only one who understands you. Karin does not comfort you when she knows you are at your worst; instead, she will make you bleed more, hurt more, until the next big lash on your skin feels nothing more than just an insect bite. She will not comfort you; she will cut you with words and drown you and annoy you until you forget why the wound is painful anyway.

And while Ino Yamanaka is your girl best friend, and Sasuke Uchiha your boy best friend (along with one knucklehead named Naruto Uzumaki), Karin Uzumaki is your best frienemy. And every time Karin decides to be a little good to you...

She becomes someone better than a best friend. She becomes someone way more than Ino or Sasuke or Naruto can be.

Whenever Karin decides to _not_ be your best frienemy, she becomes your truest friend.

So you stand there at your shared apartment's doorway, watching the redhead as she sends you a menacing and yet calculating glare. You are not surprised anymore that she knows how you are feeling, or how you have been.

"Why are you so stupid?" asks Karin, arms folded across her chest. She leans on the cubbyholes situated in one corner of the foyer and you lean down to set your sneakers inside one.

"I'm tired, Karin," you respond, ignoring her question. You send her a fleeting smile and continue, "I smell cake! You baked? You're so annoying—you didn't even wait—"

"You fucking let him go," she notes. Your smile completely slips away, and she does not seem to care. "And here I thought you were supposed to be smart. Why let him go to the Boar?"

You have absolutely no idea why Karin knows, but you face her anyway.

"And do what? Make him look after me again like I'm some weakling he will never be able to get rid off? Make him continue to act like my big brother or something?"

Sasuke... He is your childhood friend. For thirteen years now, you have always been together. And giving him away to your girl best friend is painful, but it's rather refreshing. The feeling's morbid—masochistic, even—but you feel so obliged to let him go for him to be happy somehow.

He has always looked after you after your parents divorced some five years ago. Given that his own family is already dead, he knows best the feeling of being left alone and takes it in himself to be always there for you. Sasuke acts like the big brother you have never had, but you wish he stops it.

You wish he becomes happy without carrying you upon his shoulders. You wish he looks at you the way you look at him.

You wish—

"Whatever," says Karin, finally walking away. She continues, "But you know what? Had you not let him go—"

_Dammit, Karin, I did just that, so stop telling what could have happened if I did not!_

"—you could've made him yours."

Your body stiffens at what she has said.

Karin pauses mid-step and looks at you over her shoulder when she appears to remember something. "I know you were the only person he came to when he was trying to decide. But god, you're so annoyingly stupid. You freaking gave him the stupidest advice and sent him to the Boar. You know how I know?"

She waits for your reply, so you quietly respond, "How?"

"Boar phoned me." Karin turns around to face you, glaring. "She texted me. She emailed me. She sent multiple messages on our fax. _Just_ to freaking tell me she got him."

You stare at her heated form.

"And you know what surprised me?"

"...What?"

Karin gives you a small, sardonic smile. "She didn't seem to be happy at all."

The tension that falls on the two of you will put the coldest part of Tartarus to shame. Karin spins on her heels and you hold your breath.

"By the way, Pinky, you got mail."

And she walks away, living you in a sea of regret. Really, Karin has the tendency to kill you with mere words.

* * *

You step off your bathroom while drying your drenched hair with towel. The cold bath has done well to calm down your erratically beating heart, reviving every little bit of sanity left in you.

Your eyes scan your tiny room and come across the manila envelope that sits on your desk. You put away your towel and rip open one side of the envelope.

Inside are three sheets of paper, and your heart leaps up to your throat when you recognize your own penmanship.

You blink.

You don't remember ever writing something for yourself (because that's just senseless), and here you are now, staring at a stack of paper with words written in your own handwriting. You run it over with your eyes before checking the envelope where the papers have been.

You remember Karin telling you earlier, "_This is one weird mail you've got, though._"

At the back of the envelope, the following is written:

_**To eighteen-year-old Sakura Haruno**_

There is no return address.

You walk over to your bed and sit down, looking down at the stack of paper in your hands—staring, but never really reading. It is, just as Karin has mentioned, rather weird. You are sure that it is your own handwriting you are staring at.

You heave a breath and decide to get it over with.

You begin reading, and really, you wish you could've prepared yourself for what came next.

* * *

_Dear eighteen-year-old Sakura Haruno,_

_Hi! I'm twenty-eight-year-old Sakura, married, and... and sad._

* * *

"W-w-w-wait!" you yell, and Karin shouts back at you from the adjacent room to shut up. You ignore her words though, and reread the first two lines. "Twenty-eight-year-old Sakura? Is that supposed to be me or something?"

You continue reading.

* * *

_I know I should be happy. I married the most wonderful man, younger Sakura._

You _are set to marry a very wonderful man in ten years, and you are supposed to be happy. But you're not going to be happy_.

* * *

Some insane person has got to be behind this. Someone who stalks you enough to know every curve and every stroke in your penmanship. Someone who hates you enough to bring this terrible, terrible joke to you.

Because dammit, this is so impossible.

You chuckle, however, and read on just to humor yourself.

* * *

_You're not going to be happy—both of you—because you both know that you are not 'meant to be together'. Not ever. Your marriage is anchored by huge regrets you will never be able to get over._

_Regret... it kills. And of all the deaths in the world? Death by regret hurts the most._

_I don't want you or your friends to experience the same mistakes or the same regrets. I want you to be happy. And while your "current" ten-year-older self is not happy, make a "future" ten-year-older Sakura Haruno the happiest woman alive. _

_Create someone who can opportunely say, "No regrets."_

_By reading this... I hope you will be able to save the person from where roots the biggest regret I and my friends ever have. I hope you will be able to save the person we have failed to save ten years ago._

_I hope... I hope you save the person who matters the most_.

* * *

You can't pull away from reading, so you continue on. Your eyes scan over the next few paragraphs, your chest constricts in tension, and your mind reels with overwhelming information.

To believe or not to believe?

Because the next few paragraphs... they basically tell you that Sasuke Uchiha is the person you have to save.

Sasuke Uchiha is that one man who "matters the most".

The next few paragraphs, to your chagrin, basically tell you that Sasuke Uchiha—your best friend—will _die_.

**To be continued**


End file.
